I am a survivor

Hey ya’ll, sorry that I didn’t post yesterday, I have been a bit busy. This is a project I did yesterday:

What do you think about this message? Comment below and let me know!

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Rape is NEVER funny

I notice that a lot of people seem to joke around about rape nowadays, which isn’t okay AT ALL. I hear people say things like “Haha your totally raping me right now!” and things of that sort. Here are the main reasons I believe rape jokes are horrible and innipropriate:

  • According to UCR (the FBI’s crime stats), there were 92,455 rapes in the US in 2006. 1 in 6 women have been raped, and 33% of men. That means that you most likely know someone who has been sexually assaulted. Telling jokes about rape can bring up horrible memories for people, and you never know who you are hurting.
  • Rape is not a funny joke, it is a violent crime that happens every 2 minutes in the US. Even if you are not around anyone who has been a victim of rape or sexual assault, it is still offensive to many people to joke about such a serious matter.
  • Talking about such a heavy subject in such a funny, light way makes it seem like its no big deal. The reality of it is, it’s a REALLY big deal, and it should be treated like it is.
  • It’s just common sense that traumitizing, stealing, and forcing another human being into something is NOT funny. Is it funny when people die? No. Is it funny when someone gets kidnapped? No. Its the same kind of thing. Should people think its funny when someone is raped, or someone tells a joke about being raped? No.
  • Making jokes about rape and how the person “wanted it” or “deserved it”, is fucked up. Not to mention it can make people who are victims of sexual assault feel like it was their fault.

I know when people say things like this, they are kidding. But in my opinion, it is not funny. Rape is a serious, sad problem. Please have some consideration and respect, don’t joke around about things like this! What do you think about Rape jokes? Comment below and let me know!

Photo from Google images.

How to make sure your relationship is healthy!

Sometimes when we get wrapped up in relationships, we no longer can rationally decide if it is healthy or not. Having a pre-made list of things you MUST have in a relationships, and things you will NOT have in a relationship can help you come back to reality when you check in with yourself and realize that your relationship is not healthy!

Statistics and my Ananlysis of Them

I received these statistics at a group I attend called “Building Healthy Relationships.” The statistics are from the “What is LOVE” Domestic Violence Solutions.

1. 70% of pregnant and parenting teens nationwide expirience dating violence.

My analysis:

  • The abusive partner believes that they can get away with abuse since they are in the process, or are already raising a child with their significant other.
  • Having a child is causing stress and anger.

2. 1 in 6 women have expirienced an attempted or completed rape.

My analysis:

  • Rape can be caused by insitutional tolerance.
  • Misogny and sexism.
  • Internalized misogny and patriarchy.
  • Patriachal society in general ( when referring to hererosexual relationships.)
  • The rapist wants power.
  • They are doing it to make themselves feel better.

3. 33% of men have experienced an attempted or completed rape.

My analysis:

  • Maybe less men are raped than women because of gender roles, women are expected to be “weak and submissive.”
  • Men don’t report rape as often because of pride or embarassment.

4. 30% of teens have said that their partner had contacted them via cell phone or text messages to constantly check in on them, harass, or ask them to engage in sexual activity.

My analysis:

  • It is common for someone who is insecure to worry about their partner, but sometimes people take it a bit to far with the obsessive social engagement.
  • It is easier to harass someone via internet/phone.

5. 50% of people who have been raped have also attempted suicide.

My analysis:

  • Sexual abuse makes people feel extremley insecure and it can lead to self-hate.
  • People who have been raped are more likely to feel depressed and worthless.
  • They felt like the rape was their fault.
  • They couldn’t bare the pain of remembering what happened.

6. 57% of teens of teens have known sexually, verbally, or physically abused in a relationship.

My analysis:

  • Many teens experience abusive relationships/dating violence because they don’t realize what it is happening to them in the moment.
  • Many teens don’t realize what is deserved in a healthy relationship.

7. 25 to 33% of LGBT relationships are abusive, which is about the same as heterosexual relationships.

My analysis:

  • Abuse can happen in ANY kind of relationship, it doesn’t have to be a relationship between a girl and a guy.

I found these statistics shocking, and extremely sad. What do you think about them? Were you surpised? Comment below and let me know!

A L’Oreal poem

This is a poem I wrote about a time in my life. I thought that writing this might help me with the healing process. I haven’t come upĀ  with a title for it yet!

In the beginning

It wasn’t so bad.

An unwanted touch.

Thats normal..

Right?

I lost all control as he put his hands on me.

But what can I do?

I’m just a girl, anyway.

His hand down my pants..

I said no, but he did it anyways.

I hear the words “slut, bitch, ugly, whore”

but the days go on and things don’t seem to change.

I struggle to find words.

I am powerless. Alone. Manipulated.

“I don’t like it when you wear that”

“Your annoying me”

These are the words I hear.

I am put down by his power.

Any chance to escape fails.

I’m stuck.

But finally, after months, I find the strength to leave.

To let go.

To stand up for myself for once and say I don’t deserve to be treated this way.

And now?

Its been 2 years.

But the memories eat away at me.

They sit in the back of my mind.

But once again, what can I do?

For I am powerless, compared to you.

I wrote this poem months ago, but my views have definitely changed since than, in a good way. I know i am not powerless! I am hoping to write a poem soon about how I feel about it now! Thanks!

No means no

Many people seem to believe that rape or sexual abuse is caused by something the victim did or said. This is FALSE. The victim is never to be blamed. Rape and sexual abuse is NOT caused by:

  • Flirting
  • Drugs/Alcohol
  • Clothing
  • Going out alone
  • Agreeing to Hookup
  • Being in the wrong place
  • Dancing

A lot of the time people say things like “They were asking for it the way they were dressed” or “Well they shouldn’t have gone to that party alone”. No one WANTS to be forced into something and taken advantage of. We should all be able to go out and have a good time without worrying about abuse. If the person is/says:

  • Nothing
  • Under the influence
  • “No”
  • “I’m not sure”
  • Is unconscious or asleep

Basically, if the person says anything but YES, take that as a NO. No means no. Saying nothing does NOT mean yes. When people blame a woman for dressing provacativly, do they realize that men, children, and folks of other genders get raped as well? We should be able to go where we want, talk to who we want, and dress the way we want without having to worry! Never blame the victim! Another thing to remember is: Rape and sexual abuse occurs in relationships! It is actually MORE common for abuse to take place between two people that are dating. Just because you are dating someone, doesn’t mean you have the right to do anything with them whenever you want. No still means NO. Be aware that rape and sexual abuse can happen to anyone! It isn’t their fault no matter what the situation was! Photo from: http://sexxxisbeautiful.tumblr.com/post/6965025691/image-a-white-person-with-blonde-hair-holding-a

“Love shouldn’t hurt”

As most of you probably know, today is Valentines Day. Valentines day is a day to celebrate love and the happy aspects of it, but what I want to talk about is the ugly parts of love, such as abuse. Abuse can happen in all kinds of relationships. One in three teens report being in an abusive relationship at some point. Abuse only gets worse, so I want to educate you about different kinds of abuse, and signs of an abusive relationship. First, I want to let you know that there are four main kinds of abuse.

  • Physical-kicking, punching, hitting, shoving, biting, slapping, ect.
  • Emotional-Controlling and Manipulating.
  • Verbal– Name calling, put-downs, and threats.
  • Sexual– Forcing sex, manipulating, using threats to make someone give in to pressure to do something sexual.

Usually, the relationship doesn’t start out abusive. It gradually gets worse and worse. These are some warning signs that the relationship is unhealthy, and could become abusive.

  • Extreme jealousy/getting possessive
  • Controlling/demanding
  • Gets angry quickly and easily
  • Pressures you to do something sexual
  • Embarrasses/Humiliates you
  • Blames you whenever they are sad, mad, ect
  • You feel trapped in the relationship
  • Uses threats

If you have expierienced any of these, your relationship could be unhealthy! The best thing to do is break up with the person (if you feel safe to) or tell a trusted adult!

You are in an abusive relationship if your partner:

  • Hits, kicks, bites, shoves, or hurts you physically in any way
  • Forces you to have sex or do something sexual
  • Puts you down and embarrasses you
  • Threatens, manipulates, or controls you

These are not the ONLY signs of abuse. Just know that you have the right to:

  • Be in a happy, healthy relationship
  • Speak your mind
  • Dress the way you want
  • Hangout with who you want
  • Make decisions around sex for yourself
  • Love yourself
  • Be treated equally
  • Change your mind
  • Live your life without fear
  • Be loved

If you are not being treated the way you deserve to be, get out of the relationship! Your not alone! If you need help, or you know someone that needs help, go to:

It is important to let someone know what is going on! Abuse is not okay and the victim is never to blame! Speak out against abuse and violence!